R.I.P., You Idiot
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Ronald Mund V. Eric Lynch
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
There are two repeated recorded lines on The Howard Stern Show that never fail to cause me to double over laughing. One was uttered by Ronald Mund, the other by Eric Lynch.
When Eric Lynch says “Hello, you big-nosed jackass!” I just lose my shit. It is, conceivably, the second-best insult ever of all time. (The first is a curse I learned from reading The Frank Zappa Book. It is: “May your shit come to life and kiss you.”) It’s the way he delivers the line, the utter contempt in his voice, mixed with the Art Carney-ish construction of the sentence. I have said it before, and I will say it again: That Eric the Shitcock is, truly, a comic genius. Look behind you, Chris Rock. Your competition is gaining, and he’s 3 feet tall and driving a power wheelchair.
The other line that always makes me fall down is the immortal Ronald Mund, who, by the way, can never again be questioned as to how he could possibly react to a true crisis in the studio as Stern’s dimminutive bodyguard. Mund probably saved that Teddy kid’s life. Anyway. Once upon a time, Ronald Mund actually got in front of a live television camera and uttered the following incomprehensible phrase: “Let’s fuck some whores!” It is, possibly, the most profane thought ever given words, especially when you consider the delighted, laughing manner in which it is delivered. I have a recording of someone using this phrase to prank CSPAN, and it just kills me every time. I admit it. I am still actually 12 years old.
Have A Nice Day
Friday, April 18, 2008
The Inno gave me the Jerry Garcia Band jamming on “After Midnight” this morning.
I just might after all.
So…
Sunday, April 13, 2008
…did anything interesting happen on the radio while I was in Las Blahblah?
Of course the shit with Artie—not to mention the shit with Randi Rhodes—would happen when I’m away and unable to pay attention. I was able to find The Incident on YouTube, since they’re not including the Thursday Stern show on the replay this weekend. Lord, I hope Artie doesn’t kill Teddy in Amsterdam. One thing’s for sure, though, and I hate to say it: Artie’s resignation should stick. It’s been clear for some time that the man has been gladly coasting to rock-bottom. This week, he plopped right into it and stuck like a lot of bridge jumpers do. It’s a shame. Artie Lange has been a most worthy inheritor of the Jackie Chair. Unfortunately, there comes a time when one’s antics vastly overshadow one’s ability.
Frankly, I want to see Kathy Griffin sit in that chair for a week.
An Apt Analogy
Saturday, April 12, 2008
I have had arguments with family about The Howard Stern Show. Many of my female relatives have a visceral reaction to Howard and to the show and feel very strongly that the show is “misogynist.” As does my girlfriend, I think, although she thinks the Gary Tape is funny and enjoyed watching Richard Christy getting his nuts waxed on the Howard TV.
Hating The Howard Stern Show as “misogynist” is like hating Jeopardy because you think it’s boring when Alex comes out and talks to the contestants and asks them about their lives.
Okay?
I Can’t Decide
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
if the true inheritors of the throne previously owned by Queen is The Killers or Manic Street Preachers.
Sad Life
Monday, March 31, 2008
Lewis,
I knew on the bus I e-mailed and said I’d call right when I got home about the room I need to rent. But I got home and the Howard Stern Show was running an ISDN line test, which means the KOAM on the radio at night, which is very unusual, and I do not want to miss a minute.
So I’ll call you later.
I Can Do Anything I Want With My Treo 650
Monday, March 31, 2008
From Wiki: “The Palm Treo 650 is a combination hybrid PDA/cellphone officially announced on October 24, 2004 as the successor to the company’s Treo 600. It began shipping in November 2004, and is still available in GSM form. The CDMA version has been superseded by newer models such as the Treo 700p, Treo 755p, Treo 700w, and the Treo 700wx, while the GSM version has been superseded by the Treo 680 and Treo 750v.”
The tech on my phone is about four years old, though I am not exactly your bleeding-edge consumer, so I bought the thing in more like 2006 or so. Still. The fact is that the Treo 650 can do anything I want it to, and even though Sprint will owe me $150 for an upgrade in April, I’m to be trippin’ it old school g.
I am present listening to Thom Hartman via Shoutcast on my Treo 650 using PocketTunes. I can if I like hear NPR on MunduRadio. I can search the Web via Genius, I can surf via OperaMini, which is nearly as true a surfing experience as is that Iphone deal—that is, if I gave a crap about a “true” surfing experience on a smartphone. A much better way to surf the web is a little gadget called “Xiino,” which partially strips down and reformats regular sites for your mobile screen.
Hey Now
Friday, March 28, 2008
It’s sad, and it’s another reminder of the incredible capacity people have to misunderstand and to underestimate the power of The Howard Stern Show. Had XM bagged The Show, Sirius would not exist today and there would be no push forward for a merger.
At the time, the dogstar network had about 650,000 subscribers compared to 2-3 million at XM. Had XM gotten The Howard Stern Show, had it not settled first for Opie and Anthony, had it understood the true nature of the situation, XM would have ruled the industry. Unaware of the transformative power of The Show, though, XM approached Mr. Stern haltingly, by his own report, while Sirius came with a sky’s-the-limit approach and bagged him.
XM’s later incredible outlay of moolah for the sluggish Oprah Winfrey channel only underlined XM’s failure to understand. There was only one true “get” for satellite, and once The Show went to Sirius, the game was over. Oprah couldn’t save it, nor Dylan nor Petty nor nor Kasem nor even a resurrected Elvis H. Presley. It’s an amazing truth in radio. The finest radio program created in the last 30 years was and is The Howard Stern Show. It is an unstoppable force and a model that should be studied and emulated by other radio professionals who want to succeed.
Stupid XM.
Some Stupid With A Flare Gun
Thursday, March 27, 2008
On Dec. 15, 1971, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention were performing at The Casino at Montreux in Switzerland at Lake Geneva. A dude in the audience set off a flare gun and burned the place down.
“We actually went to the Casino in Montreux to record, but as you know it burnt down,” says tall and powerful looking Jon Lord as he settles into an overstuffed chair in his London hotel room. “Our roadies just that morning decided not to put our equipment into the Casino, so we were really lucky. Frank Zappa lost everything in the fire. I think there was one molten cowbell left. So we went all over Montreux to find a place to record and finally settled on an old hotel which was empty for the winter except for one deaf old lady.”
And now, thank goodness, there is this.
